Byline: JANET STREET-PORTER
HERE'S a selection of my top bugbears from 2009 -- from skinny celebs to pretentious film directors to social networking and pills which claim to stop ageing. There's been plenty to get grumpy about -- although I'm sure 2010 will be just as annoying! Just remember, diets don't work, most politicians and pop stars talk utter bilge, and Simon Cowell is not God on Earth. Happy New Year!
ALEXA CHUNG. What is so special about Ms Chung with her spindly legs and big bags? OK, she's dating a pop star, but are clumpy shoes, short skirts and a quasi-school uniform really enough of a fashion statement to make you the best dressed woman in the world in 2009, according to Vogue.com? Has there ever been anyone over a size 10 on these lists? (Just thought I'd ask.)
BERLUSCONI. What a card -- the Italian President pinches women's bums, does rude drawings during summit meetings (and passes them round), invites call girls to his homes and gives teenage girls expensive jewellery. He made such a fuss during a photocall with Barack Obama that even the normally placid Queen made a tart comment. No wonder Mrs B is filing for divorce. Now he's been whacked in the face with a model of Milan's Duomo cathedral, Signor B is recovering from his injuries. He may even take the opportunity for a bit more cosmetic surgery. Depressingly, he remains highly popular.
replica breitlingCHERYL COLE. The popularity of Barbie dolls might be waning in the recession, but this highly popular fragile human version can cry at will, and keep her head upright even when it is laden with thousands of pounds of acrylic hair extensions. Saint Cheryl's charms seem to consist of being good at wearing tiny, closely fitting frocks. Is this a great female role model? Let's not forget she was found guilty of attacking another woman in a nightclub in 2003. Or is your memory really short?
DEGREES. Educationalists are furious because Lord Mandelson suggests some courses could last two years instead of three. What's the problem? Student leaders say young people will miss out on the enriching experience of university life.
Really? Like drinking so much you vomit in public? Like wasting time on whacky rag weeks when you pester passers-by and claim to be collecting for charity? Why not eliminate long holidays, extend replica rolex college hours and concentrate all courses? Graduates might be better prepared for the world of work.
EROTIC. Guy Ritchie denigrates a British hero -- by giving us an 'erotic' Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr, who plays Holmes to Jude Law's Watson, tells interviewers the two characters had a secret 'relationship' claiming they 'wrestled a lot and shared a bed'. News to literary experts, who reckon Holmes was completely asexual.
FACEBOOK. Every time I get an email asking me to be someone's friend on Facebook I simply press the delete button. Give me three dimensional relationships any day. And cyber-bullying is on the increase.
G IS FOR Boy George. I thought George was treated harshly when he received a 15-month sentence for tying up a male escort. Since then he has given up drugs and is out of jail under licence, but he's got a cheek, asking a judge to allow him to appear on the next series of Celebrity Big Brother. You can hardly rebuild a normal life in that goldfish bowl. His application was refused -- perhaps now he can do some productive work.
HEALTH AND SAFETY. According to doctors, the festive season brings a worrying new range of injuries. People damage their eyes trying on new sweaters, scratch their faces puttin
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